You Know You're from Alaska when...

You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snowblower than you car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.
You thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary.
The hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is 3 feet above the ground.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
You think everyone from the city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is fleece socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on a page, but requires six pages for sports.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.
There is only one shopping plaza in town.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo--its sausage making.
You find -60F a might chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewels and your Sorrels.
You play road hockey on skates.
You can tell the difference between a chipmunk and a squirrel from 300 yards away.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction season.
You refer to the 48 states as the "lower 48".
You freak out whenever you see prices for food in lower 48 grocery stores because they are so low.
You're used to girls with chewbacca legs and no tan.
You've never been to a concert.
You have over 100 channels on your TV.
You have to wait until 2am to light fireworks because that's the dimmest part of the day on July 4th.
You drive to and from school in the dark.
You couldn't give 2 shits about Clinton's impeachment trial.
You know what an 'oosik' is. :)
You actually "get" these jokes, and forward them to all your Alaskan friends.

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